The president:Leaps tall buildings in a single bound,
is more powerful than a locomotive,
is faster than a speeding bullet,
walks on water,
gives policy to god.
The vice president for academic affairs:
Leaps short buildings in a single bound,
is more powerful than a switch egine,
is just as fast as a speeding bullet,
walks on water if the sea is calm,
talks with god.
Professor:
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds,
is almost as powerful as a switch egine,
can fire a speeding bullet,
walks on water in an indoor swimming pool,
talks with god if special request is approved.
Associate professor:
Barely clears a quonset hut,
loses tug of war with locomotive,
misfires frequently,
swims well,
is occasionally addressed by god.
Assistant professor:
Makes high marks on walls when trying to leap tall buildings,
is run over by locomotives,
can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self injury,
dog paddles,
talks to animals.
Graduate student:
Runs into buildings,
recognizes locomotives two out of three times,
is not issued ammunition,
can stay afloat with a life jacket,
talks to walls.
Undergraduate and work study student:
Falls over doorstep when trying to enter buildings,
says, "look at the choo-choo",
wets himself with a water pistol,
plays in mud puddles,
mumbles to himself.
Department secretary:
Lifts tall buildings and walks under them,
kicks locomotives off the tracks,
catches speedings bulles in her teeth and eats them,
freezes water with a single glance,
is god.